In the name of the great Caboose
by EinsamerWolf328
Summary: After having spent a long time away from Bloodgulch, Church, Tex and Tucker receive troubling news.


**In the name of the great Caboose**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

„Goddammit, it's fucking hot," Church shouted out into the desert.

"Would you quit your bitching, Church. We're in the desert, of course it's hot," Tex replied.

"It's not just the heat, we've been wandering through the desert for ages. Tucker even lost the energy to say something."

"Oh really? Hey Church, remember how, during our last battle, you tried to back me up and unloaded a round in my ass?"

"Bow chicka bow wow."

"He still seems to have plenty of energy to me."

"I always have the energy for that."

Then they suddenly heard music. "Oh great," Church started, "now I'm going nuts. Wait, I know that music. Oh shit."

That's when a jeep drove over a dune and came to a halt right in front of him. The three looked up to see Simmons in the driver's seat and Sarge riding shotgun. "Oh great, these guys again." Tex started. "Where are the rest of your guys?"

"Those backstabbin' nimrods. They betrayed me to join your buddy, Caboose."

"Caboose? Why would someone join him?" Church asked.

"He twisted their minds in the most diabolical way."

_Flashback_

Sarge was just cleaning his shotgun when, suddenly, there was an explosion that shook the base. "What in the..." He cocked his shotgun and ran up to the roof, where his men were in cover. "Simmons, what is going on?"

"It's the Blues, sir. They're attacking."

Sarge then looked out and saw a jeep with two men in blue armor, and what appeared to be Andy riding shotgun. There was also the tank with Caboose in the cockpit. But the most astonishing thing was O'Malley in that weird purple vehicle of his.

_Rude Interruption_

"What? O'Malley is working for Caboose!?" Church interrupted.

"Quiet, numbnuts! I'm talking here!"

_Flashback continue_

The Blues had opened fire on Red base. "What about our defenses?" Sarge asked.

"Completely destroyed, sir," Simmons replied.

"And the warthog?"

"Intacto, pero fuera de su alcance," Lopez replied.

"He says that it's intact, but out of reach," Donut translated.

Sarge sighed. "So, we're outnumbered and outgunned. Grif, you still alive?"

"Yes."

"Then this is officially the worst day ever. But I ain't goin' down without a fight. For our ancestors. Charge!"

He was about to jump out and attack, when the Blues suddenly ceased fire and Andy spoke up. "Listen up, ya red shiznos! The great Caboose is now ready to negotiate your surrender!"

"Red army will never surrender! Right, men?"

"Sí, vamos a ir a nuestras muertes de un principio falso." (Yes, let's go to our deaths over a false principle.)

"Exactly, Lopez."

"Idiota!"

"The great Caboose gives you two options: One, you join him. Two, we kill you all. I personally prefer option two."

"Then we pick..." Sarge started, but was interrupted by Simmons.

"Wait a minute, Sarge. Perhaps we should think about this."

"What?! Think about turning Blue? Ain't gonna happen!"

"The Caboose has just told me that he grants you a third option! Leave Bloodgulch and never return!"

"What? And leave it to you?"

"Oh yeah, leave them with the canyon in the middle of nowhere. How horrible!" Grif replied. "You know, leaving forever sounds like a lot of effort. Um, hey bomb guy. What do we have to do to join you?"

"Paint your armor blue."

"...That's it?"

"That's it. We'll have won and you won't have to do anything anymore."

"I'm in!" Grif yelled, jumping down and running over to the Blues.

"I knew it! I knew he was a traitor!" Sarge shouted and started firing his shotgun at Grif.

"Ey, Lopez!" Andy shouted.

"Sí?"

"If you join us, we'll fix your speech unit."

"En serio?"

"Of course." Lopez immediately jumped down, avoiding Sarge's shots.

"Backstabbers! The lot of them!"

"I'll never betray you, sir!"

"I know you won't, Simmons. Good man. What about you, Donut?"

"I..." Donut started, but was interrupted by Doc.

"Donut, Caboose says that if you join him, he'll throw in a garden for you." There was a pause. "Plus, he wants to remodel your base and would put you in charge of design."

"_I recommend a nice blood red. Preferably by shooting your friends and covering the walls in their entrails. Muahahahaha." _

"O'Malley, we agreed that I would do the talking on this one."

"_Ah, fine._"

Donut started shaking a little. "Donut, you're not thinking about betraying us, are you?" Simmons asked.

"I...get to have my own garden and design the base."

"Don't you dare betray me, Donut! For god's sake, son, stop being such a girl!"

"Don't talk to him like that!" Doc yelled. "You see that, Donut. See how they treat you. You may shrug it off, but I know how much it actually hurts you. You deserve more. Please, come with us. With me."

There was a pause. _"That was pretty embarrassing for you."_

"I know and I don't care."

Donut looked at Sarge. In that moment, they both knew what his choice was. Before Sarge had raised his shotgun, Donut was already on his way to the Blues. Sarge just lowered his shotgun. "Simmons, get in the warthog!"

"...Yes, sir." Simmons replied, slowly making his way to the jeep.

Sarge looked at the men he once called his subordinates and slowly followed Simmons.

"Ey, Simmons!" Andy yelled. "Ya know, if you joined us, Caboose would leave you in charge of the new base."

"You honestly think I would betray Sarge for that?" He got in the driver's seat and turned to Sarge, who also got in the jeep. "I'm with you to the end."

"I appreciate that, Simmons. I really do."

With that, they drove off.

_End Flashback_

Church, Tex and Tucker were speechless. "How...How did Caboose do it?" Church asked.

"We don't know," Simmons said, "he just suddenly showed up with that attack force and took over our base. Before we knew, the others joined him. And now we're roaming the world because we can't contact Red Command."

"...This doesn't sound like Caboose at all," Tex spoke up, "we have to get to Bloodgulch and find out what the hell is going on there."

**Right, please, tell me what you think. **


End file.
